Expanding Hearts, Patty Markham Peterson » Transformational Life Coaching, Holistic Healing, Author, Intuitive Counselor


Although it’s been awhile since I have written on grief, loss and heartache, I feel compelled to reach out, as I know many in our community are hurting.  Every one of us will experience a loss at some point in our life.  In the last 4 years, I have had 3 dear friends, my mother, my father, my father-in-law and several extended family and acquaintances transition.  Each has been a unique experience for me. There are many factors that impact how we grieve. I will not get into that here now. For me, every beloved family or friend passing has offered me gifts and opportunities to look at my life and how I choose to live now.

If you are hurting. Please know that better days will come. Hold the faith that you will feel joy again.

Believe that your loved one would truly want you happy and living your truth. Know that your love connection does not end.  For now, take care of YOU.

I want to share a few tips I feel can assist anyone with heart pain. These have helped me over and over again to heal, to find greater connection to myself and God and to BE in happiness again.

Key #1.  Gentleness and more Gentleness

You must be gentle with yourself and your own process. Do not push to ‘get over it’, or ‘get through this quickly.’ That doesn’t work. Believe me, I tried. I encourage you to be gentle with your emotions, your physical body and even your spiritual beliefs. There are times they will go through the ringer!  I remember being so angry at God, “for taking my husband.” Know that this type of anger is a natural process through the journey of loss. Eventually I was able to see a bigger picture and release this anger. Try not to overbook your schedule in the early days, weeks and months.

2. Be with all your Emotions and Feelings.

You will go through myriads of emotions, and sometimes the human-ness in us, doesn’t want to feel all of them. One minute you could be laughing at a memory, and the next, you may be sobbing. Anger may flush up and then slip into depression for a short period. Your world has just changed. Life as you knew is not the same. That will rock every aspect of your root chakra and stability. The more you are gentle, and recognize that there is NO right way. There is no pattern to follow. There is only this moment, and you honoring what you feel. If we deny the emotion and self medicate, it will be back. If we distract  ourselves, it may come out sideways, when you least expect. I encourage you to write them down. Write as if you were talking to a trusted friend. This is healing.

3. Embrace the physical body’s needs. 

Your physical body is going through a shock. You may feel exhausted. I was so amazed at how much my physical body was affected by my deep emotional pain. You may want to sleep more than usual, or you may have insomnia. You may want to eat lots of heavy foods, or not want to eat anything. It’s not unusual for many to lose weight in early grief.

I encourage you to tend to your body. Drink plenty of water. Grieving is hard work. Eat light easily digestible foods like fruits and vegetables. Put your hand on your heart and connect with your breath. Honor the body and the process it is going through to support your soul.

 It can be easy to ‘self medicate,’ whether it’s with alcohol, drugs, prescription or otherwise, food, gambling, or any other ‘drug of choice.’ If you catch yourself going down that road, please seek the proper help.

4. Receive Support.

You want to be with those who are not trying to tell you how to grieve. Do you have someone who will just sit with you and accept all the emotions? I know for me, some close family members had a hard time seeing me grieve so hard when they felt helpless. Especially my Finnish father. Finns are all about stoicism and men like to ‘fix things.’ It’s their nature.  I understood how hard it must have been for him to watch his child hurting so badly and not be able to do something to take it away. Join a support group. Be with those who understand. Be around Animals. They offer unconditional love 24/7. Get out in Nature. I always feel God’s love and support there. Notice the changing seasons knowing life is always in cycles. Get a massage. Be sure to give and receive hugs.

5. Create Quiet Space.

There are times you do not want to be alone, and other times you need your space. Please ask people to leave if you are feeling the need to be alone. I went to my bedroom even if people were in my home. There are times it’s too hard to be around others’ energies and small talk is exhausting. Do you have a sacred space that brings you comfort?  Have you tried Mediation? There are many free on-line mediations available these days. Take time to be in prayer. No matter what your beliefs, if you spend time connecting to a higher power or your loved one in spirit, you will be heard. This is one thing that forever changed my life in a beautiful way.

6. Honor your own time line.

There are many factors that affect our grief, including, our relationship to the one who is no longer in our life, our dependency on them, was it sudden and unexpected, do we still hold unhealed grudges toward them, etc. Please do not compare yourself to another’s journey. I know I did. I share in my book, “Expanding Heart – one woman’s journey from trauma to transformation’ how I would go to grief support groups, and ask other’s about their anger. Some would say, “oh I don’t have any anger. I trust God.’ or  any such statement. I would go home feeling terrible that I had all this anger that my husband was no longer here helping me to raise the 6 kids we brought into this world. On some level, it felt like a betrayal. I stomped in the woods screaming at the universe how unfair this all was. Well, you know what? Venting all that anger helped.

Please do not judge yourself or your process. Some of us wanted to sleep with an article of their clothing so we could smell them. Others want to move everything out fairly quickly. Some of us change our environment by painting, others keep it the same. It’s all okay. Now, if we are still in deep grief, depression and unable to move on after a couple years, you may have compounded grief and need extra medical and psychiatric support.

In today’s world, there is so much information at our fingertips for grief, heartache and loss. Yet, it can be overwhelming as it’s hard to concentrate in those early days, weeks and even months. It can also be hard to reach out. I encourage you to at least tell one person if you need something. If you do not have that, I am here. Send me a message. I care.

May you be ever so gentle in this time of pain. Know you will emerge with new gifts and insights that can help you to live in a new way with ever greater appreciation and gratitude.

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 I learned about Rudraksha Ratna Science Therapy last fall. The minute I saw these amazing seeds, I knew I needed to try them. Rudraksha is a large species type of evergreen tree that produces a fruit that contains the rudraksha. (the seeds of the fruit are the beads).  The seeds of this fruit are most unique and carry an electromagnetic frequency. These seeds have been used by saints, sages, royalty and many others for spirituality, good health, abundance and success.

According to ancient text they grow in Guoda, the land which is presently the area of the Gangetic plain. This is the southern border area of Asia to the foothills of the Himalaya and the middle area of Nepal. Presently they are localized in Nepal and the southern part of Asia.

The seeds are used in a Scientific manner by being worn on the body in specific places. After filling out a RRST Intake form, the information is placed into a software program and a print out of my chakras, revealed where I needed more support.  I wasn’t surprised that my 2nd and 3rd chakras needed some help.

Scientifically they work by opening the chakras of the human body into an aligned state of Self Ascended Stability. With chakras fully awakened and balanced a person ignites the inward journey with the strength and presence to live without FEAR.

Rudraksha offer a depth of natural resonance with the human energy field (aura), and have been best known for biomedical properties and to control stress, hypertension and blood pressure issues.It increases self power and invokes self-love along with enhancing the charisma of the wearer.

I have felt so much more empowered and able to speak my truth since I began to wear my RRST. The vertebrae in my back have also improved as proven by a scan from my chiropractor. ” patty

“I was feeling stressed over something fairly small and when I put my healing pendent on, I felt so much more calm. I noticed how silly it was to feel stress over that event.” K.P. new RRST owner

“I LOVE them. They felt so good as soon as I held them. I feel much more calm.” C.K. upon her first days with RRST.

IMG_3183PINIMAGE“I’ve been feeling really good!!” D.P. after one week with RRST

If someone is not tuning in to the shifts in themselves, then ask their wife! Here is what she said:

“He has an easier time letting things go and the nervous energy when he is talking has settled beautifully. He must love them because he never wants to take them off!”

Contact me NOW for your FREE Aura Chakra Report!

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2014 has culminated….. and 2015 has begun, with a big BANG, I might add.

moving forwardPINIMAGEHigher dimensional energies are coming in and many of us are feeling the effects. Some are saying 2015 is what many believed 2012 was going to be.

Have you chosen to set any goals, resolutions or intentions? Or are you saying “those don’t work. I always fail at them anyway.”  Or any such belief…..?

I know with certainty that every thought, belief and intention we hold is manifesting and co-creating in our life. Thus, you might not be conscious of setting intentions, but in truth, you are.

We are in a Free Will Zone here on planet earth. Our guides and helpers honor our choices.

You choose what food you eat, the socks you wear every day and who you interact with.

You choose whether to stay attached to allowing your emotions run your life or not.

You choose to find the lesson in a challenging experience or to blame everyone else.

You choose whether to take a risk in the hopes of Flying or stay captive to old beliefs, others’ criticisms, fears of judgment and rejection.

With just an intention to allow the true soul self to lead, we could choose…

To open our eyes and see beyond what is in front of us.

To look deeply into the soul and see another’s goodness.

To attune our ears to the gentle rustle of leaves, the crunch of the snow under our feet, the soft song of a bird, the giggle of an infant.

To taste our food as if we were tasting for the very first time.

To FEEL the wind tickle our face…..

Feel the pulse of LOVE that emanates through the universe. Within you…. around you.. and through you.

If you made only ONE conscious intention, only 1 Resolution or one goal, and that was to fully BE your TRUE SELF, your world would begin to shift immediately.

For many, this is too scary. The comfort zone, no matter how uncomfortable, is the status quo. It’s what the ego knows and stepping out of it feels like losing control.

Yet, those who understand that the ego will try to sabotage your soul from leading, will honor the ego’s input without allowing it to run the show.  You know it’s time for the soul to step forward ever more.

One moment at a time. One step at a time. For this is the Year you will be supported in ways your ego and mind could not conceive.

You will begin to blossom as you emerge from the old constraints of fear. Your light will shine more brilliantly as you experience greater dimensions of Love  and peace. You will laugh more. You will be filled with gratitude for this life and being here now!

As you live your truth, you offer that gift to others. Just by being YOU! No words are needed. Live your JOY!

You are a Gift and You Deserve!!

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photoPINIMAGEGetting out of bed in the past days has been slower than usual. Stiffness in my hips and back had me moving more slowly  as I greeted the day.

When I moved into my yoga routine, I noticed how tight many of my muscles were. And my first thoughts were, “Ouch, that’s stiff. Why am I so out of shape?  Geez. I sure am not very flexible anymore..” blah blah blah. went the self deprecating inner dialog.

I had just returned from 3 weeks of vacation to visit friends and family back in my home town. Choosing to drive the 24 hour trip alone with my dog, I know I had pushed my limits for my back muscles. I tried to maintain many of my healthy habits, however some self care did slide to the back burner as I ran around visiting everyone.  Or was it just the lousy mattress on the pull-out couch?

So, through my body’s pain and noticing the self defeating words that jumped to the surface,  I decided to put an end to it all now. I know better. I have walked this path before.  And I am choosing to recommit to all of my needs in a loving way.

First, I had to stop the negative self talk. That was damaging my cells!! Yup, each negative statement was contributing to cellular degeneration.

Awareness is the first step. From here I chose to be more conscious of my breath. Sending my breath with loving light to every area  of my body that felt tight, I began to develop a dialog with my body and soul.

“Thank you.” ” I love you.” ” Ease and Flow are my birthright.” “I am getting stronger and more flexible.” As I moved fairly stiffly through each move.

Perhaps I should now focus on what I did DO Right during that long trip.  I drank Tons of GOOD live water that I took with me.

I stopped at rest stops to walk and stretch.

I put a tennis ball under my butt to help move the tightness.

I continued to eat only vegan food that I packed or found at co ops.

I listened to uplifting music and CD’s of inspirational talks.

I spent some time by water. I went into water. I laughed with children. I played with dogs. I spent time loving my mother and reconnecting with cherished friends.


Why is it that we are so quick to berate ourselves and so slow at acknowledging what we do that is uplifting and  health promoting ?

I attribute it to old habits. They say they die hard. That’s another belief. I guess I can choose to say, “I am willing to notice them and release them with ease.”

Remember, your Form, this beautiful  Body is housing Your Amazing Unique Divine Spirit. Fill yourself up with Kindness.

Touch your body and say, “I love you.” Feel the cellular structure respond with gratitude. See yourself as youthful and vivacious.

We only get one body for this go around here on planet earth…may we choose to see how it is a temple for our souls to shine and have an amazing life.

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Does a Love song on the radio bring up tears?  Is sleep your only respite from thinking about the sadness?  Do you feel a lingering melancholy over a loss?

Love and broken hearts are rich fodder for a hit song, a touching poem or big name movie.  And that’s all fine, but what do you do when you are really sad and disillusioned and not about to write the next great song or movie?

Welcome to ‘Life’s Growth Lesson 101- “The Power of Relationships”!

In truth relationships are all around us. Starting as an infant we develop a relationship with our parents or caretakers, then we go to school and form bonds with our teachers and classmates. Next we transition to career and work place, community and extra curricular activities all offering a variety of connections. The reality is, every connection is a relationship,  offering potential for growth and learning even when many are very short lived and may not feel significant in the whole scheme of our lives.

I believe the relationships that cause the greatest angst are the heart pounding, palm sweating, knee shaking type of connections that may or may not result in a close love relationship.

I may not be considered an expert on them but I sure have had enough experience in the ‘school of hard knocks.’ as they would say.  In 53 years I have experienced many amazing life altering relationships in many forms and I have to say I have gained as much from the Love filled ones as the heart stomping, crushing, shattered in pieces experiences too.

If you have been jilted, left behind or disillusioned by an intimate love connection, I have a few tips from my personal store of experience to help you mend your heart and find greater happiness again.

Those who have experienced great pain and loss have the opportunity to feel much greater depths of happiness and joy than before. 

Step #1.  Opening to a Broader Perspective:

You are more than a physical body. You are spirit in form and there is much happening around you and within you on so many levels that is beyond the knowing of the mind. Thus, when you are in a relationship, your spirits are entwined  and may be calling forth a soul based experience that is different than what the mind and body had expected.  Thus, it can be a shock to the mind if it plays out differently than your expectations.

The more aware you are of the energy flows… how you feel, what doesn’t feel right, and listening to your heart, the more you will navigate each experience with greater ease. Oftentimes it might be confusing. Release all expectations, notice your dreams at night, the synchronicities that happen, and breathe… “in this moment I trust myself.” And become aware of what you are learning and gaining through the process.

The most difficult situations offer the greatest gifts of discovery and stepping out of our old comfort zones. Just be open to a grander perspective of what might be going on…

Step #2. Take the time to Feel, Express and Vent:

You must move out the old emotions and feelings that can be trapped in your cells and tissues.  If we ignore our hurt, betrayal, rejection, abandonment, or victim feelings, they will fester and come out ‘sideways’ when you least expect. They will also block New Positive Experiences from coming in.

If we do not heal our negative feelings, we lose our ability to feel positive feelings. Give voice to your feelings. Write them out. Burn the paper after. Shout to the winds. Throw rocks and scream. Then LET IT GO! You are not your emotions . Do not stay swimming in them. If you are, there is a deeper issue to address.

Step #3.  Recognize Your Needs:

Most often when we are left feeling angry and hurt, there is an unmet need that is wanting to be addressed. Can you discover what your need(s) is?

Is it connection? Affection? Acknowledgement? Is it love? Purpose? Support?

Only you know what your true needs are. We will stay angry or hurt if we do discover and fulfill our needs. No one outside of us, can give us everything we need and want.

How can YOU give yourself approval? Love? Support? acknowledgement?

Step #4. Allow the Receiving:

This is the perfect time for  you to focus on Receiving.  Fill yourself up with LOVE, with fun filled activities. Even if it is a bubble bath with relaxing music. Nurture, Nurture, Nurture yourself !

Can you ask for the support your need from close friends and family?

We all need support. And perhaps this is when you just say, “I need a hug today.” and Receive the love and support that is available without a lot of words needing to be said.

Find JOY in simple pleasures. Live Life Now on your Terms!

Step #5. Step into Trust and watch for Synchronicities:

As you fulfill your needs, nurture yourself and find the positive qualities you are developing through your pain, then you grow in Trust.

You begin to trust the universe and the divine flow. Yes, you can still be hurting and confused. But you are starting to FEEL something stirring inside that says, “I can get a handle on this. I do see that something better is coming into my life.”

When you enter this phase, you will draw new experiences and synchronicities back to you. The universe is always listening. God is right there with you every step of the way. Remember, you have FREE will. Are you going to ask for help and guidance? Can you Trust you are never alone?

Step #6. If it is Meant to be- It will be: 

There are times that a relationship seems to be going very well… the chemistry is there, the ease and comfort, and yet, one of the partners wants out.

We must honor this. It might be timing. It may be that they are not ready to step deeper into trust of being in a relationship. They may not be ready to look at their fears of commitment or to leave their old lifestyle. Or it just may be that the soul contract was fulfilled and the self growth through this connection was completed. Trust… and let go.

I know I did not believe this at one time, however, now that I have watched how God and the Universe bring things to us when we are ready and all is in alignment on an energetic level.  Trust if it is meant to be, it will come back around when the timing and energy is in Divine order. Be Patient and keep loving yourself  and finding new opportunities to experience through fun and joy!

Healing Tools to lessen the Pain and make room for more Happinessbroken-heart-wrapped-in-chainPINIMAGE

EFT=Emotional Freedom Technique. Energy Tapping. Meridian Tapping

Polarity therapy, theta healing or Psych-k

JOURNALING.. write letters to those who hurt us and to ourselves

Homeopathy i.e. Ignatia or Aconite for starters

Music~Dance~ Make an uplifting playlist and listen often!

Art in any form


Massage, crystal healing, energy healing

You are an Amazing Divine Spirit having a Human experience. You are Whole no matter who is or is not in your life…. Allow the healing to erase the past traumas and take one step to begin anew! 

You are loved and Supported!

**I do on-line coaching for anyone wanting support and guidance**



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